Hands Off

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written.
I think sometimes we just get sick of trying to figure things out.
I needed some time to breathe and stop trying to understand everything.
I needed to let it just be.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel full of words and..well sorting out myself.

I attended a concert Sunday, and sat next to a couple who felt the need to touch every second, of the almost 5 hour show.
I tweeted about it.
I said something to the degree that “if you’re a couple who needs to constantly touch, you’re not confident in your relationship.”
That led to a friend disagreeing with me.

I think agreeing to disagree is a lovely quality that our world needs more of.
But this friend got pretty upset and too personal, with this.
He basically told me that it’s my way or no way, all the time.
I don’t agree with that.
He says and does things all the time I don’t at all agree with and I say nothing. He has the right to do and think whatever he wants.
Just like I do.

I have the right to not want a man all over me.
I have the right to think if you need to touch every second for hours, that you’re not confident in who you’re with.
Does that mean I’m right? No. But that’s how I perceive it.

You may be thinking I’m crazy or awful, but let me explain.
I believe (firmly) that constant PDA is a sign of ownership.
A leg touch here, a hand hold there, a hug, these are not things I’m talking about.
I’m talking the need to be touched, constantly.

What are you getting from it?
Seriously, what?

You’re letting people know you’re together.
You’re making it obvious to others “they’re yours.”
Maybe you’re even trying to show others you’re in love. I don’t know.

I’m sure for many it feels good to touch their person.
I get that.
But it doesn’t need to be every second.
Once you’re at that point, I’m assuming you’re not confident in your relationship.
If you need that constant touching to feel “with” your person, you’re lacking something from your relationship or your life.
You’re hoping that touch or that PDA will somehow make up for whatever it is you’re lacking.

You may completely disagree with me.
That’s okay.
You’re totally allowed to.

What’s not okay is telling me that me not needing that touch or that my opinions are not acceptable.

I’ve never been into PDA. It’s not me. I don’t need it.
I don’t need to flash my relationship in others faces.
It feels selfish and jerky to me.
I want to respect others around me.
I want them to feel comfortable around me.

I know couples who make their PDA uncomfortable for others.
It’s almost disgusting.
To me, it shows weakness that they can’t control themselves, around others.
Save it for private. Get wild.

Another aspect of this is, I was a person before this man.
I’ll be a person after this man (let’s be honest, most don’t last “forever”).
I’m confident enough in who I am, that I don’t need a man all over me.

If I’m dating you, I like you.
You don’t need to claim me. I don’t need to claim you.
I don’t feel better if people “know” a guy is with me.
What makes me feel “better” is the dude being a decent human, and having characteristics I need in a partner.
What makes me feel good is when we, as a couple, can respect others and save our affection for just us.

Being confident in yourself and who you’re with is sexy.
Not needing to show signs of ownership is sexy.
Knowing that person is yours because they choose to be yours is sexy.
Knowing you two care for each other, without clinging on to each other every second, that’s sexy.

That’s confidence I hope we all have.


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