He’s Engaged

It was midnight and I was up to print off something.
My gut told me he, my ex fiancé, was engaged.
My gut has a long history of being right. Every time a guy has cheated on, it’s been spot on.
When I’ve had a gut feeling something was wrong or bad was about to happen, I’ve been right.
So, I assumed this time was no different.

Bingo.
My gut was right.
Right there, it said he was engaged to the girl he basically cheated on me, with.

It hurt.
A lot of people think if it still hurts, you’re jealous or not over it.
I don’t agree with that.
I’m not jealous of her. I have zero desire to be in her position.
I’m over J, the person.

I’m just not over the damage he did to me.

If you’ve ever been with someone who is a narcissist, emotionally and verbally abusive, cheats on you, etc. you know how damaging that is.
Once you’re free from that, you don’t wish to go back.
But the damage, the scars, the pain, it sticks with you.
For a long time.

J got engaged less than a year, after seeing me for the last time.
Last June, I, unfortunately, allowed him to see me.
He took days to talk me into it.
Less than 24 hours after seeing me, he met the girl he’s now engaged to.

When I saw the word “engaged” it stung.
It was one of those moments you feel a shock to your body.
About 10 minutes later, I let some tears fall.
I really didn’t understand why I was crying.
I wasn’t upset that it wasn’t me.
I wasn’t jealous that I didn’t have someone.
It simply hurt, and I wasn’t sure why.

I talked to a girlfriend about it that told me, “It hurts because it devalues you and what you two were.”
It’s sad, but she’s correct.
Him getting engaged less than a year after seeing me devalues our relationship. Our relationship was already devalued from all the crappy things he did and said. But getting engaged less than a year, after begging to see me, devalues what it was, even more.

I don’t know if J ever really planned to marry me.
I don’t think J ever really loved me.
I was simply a pretty trophy to show off to people, and make him look good.
But honestly, that’s possibly what his current fiancé is to him.

J took zero time between his fiancé and me.
He didn’t work on anything, within himself.
He went from me, to her, immediately.
Which is why I know, he’s still a sucky significant other.

His current fiancé was barely 4 months out of an engagement when they met.
He had just seen me.
They got together.

Their relationship is none of my business.
But, I see his mark on her.
I barely took any time to look at their social media.
With the few minutes I did, I noticed she’s blonder.

Her hair is longer.
She’s wearing more “in” clothes.
She’s wearing more make up.
She’s wearing the same type of sunglasses he told me to wear.
She has her nails done, like he wanted.
She wears blue, because it’s his favorite.
Finally, in a post about looking for a DJ, he tagged her.
Why? He’ll ask for suggestions, but he expects her to plan the entire wedding.
He expected that from me.
It was “my” day, he told me. Yet, he would demand multiple things, refusing to plan anything (I’ve mentioned before how I don’t care about having a wedding. In fact I don’t want one).

Does any of that make me sad? Not one bit. I do not wish to be in her position.
I was her for 3 long and painful years.
But, I do feel bad for her.
She thinks what he offers her is a healthy relationship.
She thinks she wants to spend forever with him.
She doesn’t see all the red flags.

She doesn’t see he will spend their marriage breaking her down.
He will set unrealistic expectations for her. When she doesn’t meet those, he will tear her down.
He will hurt her.
He will make her have a million insecurities.
I’m sad for her that she’s setting herself up for that kind of life. No one deserves that. Not even the girl who my ex basically cheated on me, with.

I always thought he would marry this girl.
I just didn’t expect it this soon (he swore he’d never get engaged to someone before two years, after me).
However, that’s what people like him, do. They catch you quickly, and later all the ugly comes out.
I fully expect them to be married this year.

I’ve had a few weeks to absorb the initial shock of the word “engaged” with my ex.
I’m okay, now.
But I know, my healing is still taking place.

J will be married, “happy,” and pretending his life is easy breezy, while I continue to understand how he impacted my life.
J changed me. He’s made me understand myself better.
I’m thankful I took a healthier road.
He bounced from me to someone else.
I’ve spent two years single. I’ve spent one year understanding myself and how he hurt me.
I’ve spent a lot of time on healing.

J’s chapter of my life ended a year ago.
But, that doesn’t mean all the damage ended a year ago.
With his engagement, I feel even more strength to be single and better myself.

I have more to learn, more to heal, and more to do on my own.

I wish you the best, J. Don’t break her the way you broke me.

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