I Went on a Date

I sometimes wonder what in the world I’m doing.

I went on a date last Saturday.
Mostly as a joke/bet with a friend.
Yes, I know better, but I did it anyways.

As brutal as this is, I don’t know any guy I would date.
The guys I know either have girlfriends, are married, or completely just friend material to me.
With that, I had a friend challenge me to be more open to dating.
While I casually saw M for a time, and I saw “What If Guy” once, I’ve shut down guys for 2 years.
I’m fantastic at friendzoning guys.
Even M and “What If Guy” didn’t really stand a chance with my walls.
I never had deep enough feelings for M and I never believed “What If Guy” would actually happen.

This friend had listened to me describe how lame dating is and how I pretty much never met anyone I had any interest in.
She challenged me to try. She challenged me to date a little bit, to continue to heal wounds.
I considered it for a few weeks.

On a Sunday afternoon, I took the plunge.
I switched my Bumble BFF profile over to “guys.”
I knew this was likely a terrible idea, but YOLO..or something like that.

I’m a strong believer that flirting is good for the heart.
It can’t seriously hurt you (until/unless you grow real feelings from it).
So, I flirted my little heart away.
Most guys became boring immediately, so I didn’t keep the conversation flowing.

There were a select few, about 5, that actually held a conversation/my interest.
One kind of died off because he never told me much about himself (red flag).
One “died” because he couldn’t handle that I didn’t drink/love kids.
Another never really told me about himself, but was funny.

That left these two.
I texted one for two days.
He was funny, interesting, and we had a good conversation flow.
But, he dropped the “I’m Catholic” bomb on me.
If you’re Catholic, don’t take offense to that.
You have every right to have those beliefs. My beliefs just don’t match up with the Catholic faith.

So, that left this one guy.
At this point, I was pretty much over it and ready to quit Bumble (note it had only been a few days).
But, there was something about this one guy I felt intrigued by.
When he asked for my number, I gave it to him.
We texted on and off but it seemed like it wasn’t going anywhere.

I went to TN for a weekend trip and found myself wondering about him.
He hadn’t texted me in two days.
I debated texting him, because I knew once I did, I was basically admitting I was interested.
*hits send* And away the text went.

He responded within minutes and we’ve talked every day, since.
Don’t think this that line means we’ve been talking for weeks/months.
I’ve known him 2 in a half weeks—yes I’ve lost my mind.
Anyways, I agreed to go on a date with him, last weekend.

He took me to the zoo.
You can think that’s lame and cheesy all you want. I loved it.
Conversation flowed so naturally.
The silent moments weren’t awkward at all.
We laughed and joked with each other non-stop.

I can say with absolute certainty I’ve never met a guy I so easily could laugh with.
He got my humor and I got his.
We took on a few serious topics.
I dropped the “I’ve previously been engaged” bomb on him.—I know most people tell you to save that stuff for many dates in. But, I don’t really believe in that.
I think someone should know straight up what they’re getting with me.
I’ve said it a few hundred times, but my ex changed me.
He left his mark on me with his damaging ways.
No amount of time will ever undo what he did.

I took my time heal after my ex.
I worked on my deep pain and tried to learn as much about my scars as possible.
But, some things don’t heal with time.
Some things you can’t repair. Those things have to be proven by someone.
I don’t know if anyone will prove those things to me, but I’m open to the possibility.

Back to the date.
He was kind. He was respectful.
He wasn’t clingy. He wasn’t judge-y, when he had every right to be.
At one point I started feeling faint-y. At another point he almost threw up. Yet, it was a perfectly great date.—I’m weird, I know 😉

When we were finishing up at the zoo, he asked to kiss me.
This caught off me guard.
One, because we were in public. That’s basically one of my biggest no-no’s ever.
Two, because a guy has never asked to kiss me…ever. They just do.
There was something adorable about it.
I turned him down there, but made up for it later 😉

Judge me all you want, I kissed him on the first date.
I also drove home thinking “oh crap, this one could hurt you.”

I’ve known K for less than three weeks (terrifies me, too).
We are hiking this weekend.
We have a date planned for the last Sunday in July.
By no means do we have it all figured out.
There are big things we need to discuss that could kill this.
I’m not saying he’s it or this is the next guy.
But, I am saying this one has a golden personality.
He brings me serious joy, happiness, and laughter.
Could that change? Absolutely.
Could he end up being a friend or nothing? Yes.
But, for the time being, I’m going to enjoy this.
I’m going to laugh my lips off and take time to get to know this guy.

And that’s the introduction of “K.”
Let’s see where this goes.

He Got a Girlfriend

“What If “ guy ended.
2 weeks later? On Facebook the guy listed himself as “In a Relationship.”

I don’t have a lot to say about this.
I wrote most of my feelings on this topic, a few weeks ago.

This dude, is crap.
A few weeks ago he was telling me how much “he missed me.”
He acted all offended when I told him we needed to set up healthy friendship boundaries.
Now, weeks later he’s in a relationship? Cute.

He’s already posted photos of them together.
He called her “the best” a day after I no longer took his crap.
He flashes her around social media and Snapchat.
Is he doing it to rub it in my face and make me jealous?
I kind of think he is..But the issue is, I’m not jealous.
His girlfriend has no idea he was talking to me.
She has no idea how shady he was being to both of us.
I do. I feel zero jealousy.
More just disgusted that this dude played me and kind of played his current girlfriend

I’m embarrassed I liked this guy on and off for 5 years.
But, I want to tell you this: If you have a bad feeling about someone, you’re probably right.
I never had a good feeling about “What If” guy.
I never really saw us actually happening.
He flaked every time we were “talking.”

He never followed through.
He never made any extra effort to be with me.
He lied.
He told me I was the only girl he was interested in (that was a lie twice).
He told me his family would love me and he felt “God leading him to me.”

He fed me a bunch of BS and never could live up to what he said.
He told me I didn’t trust in him.
He was right. He never gave me a reason to.

He told me I “gave up hope,” and he’s right. After someone disappoints you time and time again, you stop believing in them.
You want them to give you a reason to believe them, but they don’t.

You have that gut feeling for a reason.
If something feels off, it is.

You hear it a million times, with guys, their actions speak louder than words.
“What if” guy told me that wasn’t the case, and I didn’t believe him.
The truth is, if he wants you, he puts in the effort.
If he wants you, his actions speak. You don’t just get pointless words out of his mouth,
Guys who like you, chase you. They want you.
Guys are designed to be hunters. Even if they’re shy, it’s inside of them.

If he likes you, he will make it known.
If he keeps running you in circles and you have to wonder “what does he actually feel for me,” you have your answer.
Listen to those clues.
Listen to your gut.

Don’t settle for crap treatment for 5 years.
It’s a waste of time. Take it from me.

He’s Engaged

It was midnight and I was up to print off something.
My gut told me he, my ex fiancé, was engaged.
My gut has a long history of being right. Every time a guy has cheated on, it’s been spot on.
When I’ve had a gut feeling something was wrong or bad was about to happen, I’ve been right.
So, I assumed this time was no different.

Bingo.
My gut was right.
Right there, it said he was engaged to the girl he basically cheated on me, with.

It hurt.
A lot of people think if it still hurts, you’re jealous or not over it.
I don’t agree with that.
I’m not jealous of her. I have zero desire to be in her position.
I’m over J, the person.

I’m just not over the damage he did to me.

If you’ve ever been with someone who is a narcissist, emotionally and verbally abusive, cheats on you, etc. you know how damaging that is.
Once you’re free from that, you don’t wish to go back.
But the damage, the scars, the pain, it sticks with you.
For a long time.

J got engaged less than a year, after seeing me for the last time.
Last June, I, unfortunately, allowed him to see me.
He took days to talk me into it.
Less than 24 hours after seeing me, he met the girl he’s now engaged to.

When I saw the word “engaged” it stung.
It was one of those moments you feel a shock to your body.
About 10 minutes later, I let some tears fall.
I really didn’t understand why I was crying.
I wasn’t upset that it wasn’t me.
I wasn’t jealous that I didn’t have someone.
It simply hurt, and I wasn’t sure why.

I talked to a girlfriend about it that told me, “It hurts because it devalues you and what you two were.”
It’s sad, but she’s correct.
Him getting engaged less than a year after seeing me devalues our relationship. Our relationship was already devalued from all the crappy things he did and said. But getting engaged less than a year, after begging to see me, devalues what it was, even more.

I don’t know if J ever really planned to marry me.
I don’t think J ever really loved me.
I was simply a pretty trophy to show off to people, and make him look good.
But honestly, that’s possibly what his current fiancé is to him.

J took zero time between his fiancé and me.
He didn’t work on anything, within himself.
He went from me, to her, immediately.
Which is why I know, he’s still a sucky significant other.

His current fiancé was barely 4 months out of an engagement when they met.
He had just seen me.
They got together.

Their relationship is none of my business.
But, I see his mark on her.
I barely took any time to look at their social media.
With the few minutes I did, I noticed she’s blonder.

Her hair is longer.
She’s wearing more “in” clothes.
She’s wearing more make up.
She’s wearing the same type of sunglasses he told me to wear.
She has her nails done, like he wanted.
She wears blue, because it’s his favorite.
Finally, in a post about looking for a DJ, he tagged her.
Why? He’ll ask for suggestions, but he expects her to plan the entire wedding.
He expected that from me.
It was “my” day, he told me. Yet, he would demand multiple things, refusing to plan anything (I’ve mentioned before how I don’t care about having a wedding. In fact I don’t want one).

Does any of that make me sad? Not one bit. I do not wish to be in her position.
I was her for 3 long and painful years.
But, I do feel bad for her.
She thinks what he offers her is a healthy relationship.
She thinks she wants to spend forever with him.
She doesn’t see all the red flags.

She doesn’t see he will spend their marriage breaking her down.
He will set unrealistic expectations for her. When she doesn’t meet those, he will tear her down.
He will hurt her.
He will make her have a million insecurities.
I’m sad for her that she’s setting herself up for that kind of life. No one deserves that. Not even the girl who my ex basically cheated on me, with.

I always thought he would marry this girl.
I just didn’t expect it this soon (he swore he’d never get engaged to someone before two years, after me).
However, that’s what people like him, do. They catch you quickly, and later all the ugly comes out.
I fully expect them to be married this year.

I’ve had a few weeks to absorb the initial shock of the word “engaged” with my ex.
I’m okay, now.
But I know, my healing is still taking place.

J will be married, “happy,” and pretending his life is easy breezy, while I continue to understand how he impacted my life.
J changed me. He’s made me understand myself better.
I’m thankful I took a healthier road.
He bounced from me to someone else.
I’ve spent two years single. I’ve spent one year understanding myself and how he hurt me.
I’ve spent a lot of time on healing.

J’s chapter of my life ended a year ago.
But, that doesn’t mean all the damage ended a year ago.
With his engagement, I feel even more strength to be single and better myself.

I have more to learn, more to heal, and more to do on my own.

I wish you the best, J. Don’t break her the way you broke me.

The End of “What If” Guy

Last week was the end of “what if guy.”
The guy I’ve known for 5 years and always had a thing for finally has a conclusion.

If you’ve ever had a “what if” person, you know how hard they can be to get over.
My “what if” guy and I never actually dated.
We had never had an ugly blow up or ugly end, till last week.
He and I both had been in relationships and never seemed to be single at the same time. When we finally were, we were very broken people.
So, I waited. I waited for my turn, patiently.
We got along wonderfully and have core beliefs in common.

I saw him in December.
It was lovely, but I didn’t really expect it to happen.
Why? Well he and I have started the whole “talk, flirt, etc” more times than I can count. But every time, it dies.
Eventually you stop hoping so you can’t be let down, anymore.

Last week I went to his town, which is 2 in a half hours away from “home.”
I told him I was coming, and he should come see me if he had time.
I was there for an entirely different reason, than seeing him.
He told me he’d contact me when he was off work.

He didn’t.
Dude totally ignored me and I don’t really think ever had any intentions of contacting me or seeing me..He just wanted to pretend he did.
(Which is insane because I told him I was super over this whole thing and he insisted he missed me and wanted to see me. haaahaa right)

Anyways, he pretended to be tired in a text and that’s when I told him, we needed to “establish healthy friendship boundaries.”
He acted disappointed, but said he “understood.”
He then went on to almost guilt trip me into my decision.
By the time I drove home, he was asleep.

Crap went down the day after.
He told me he thought he needed to date someone in his town.
I was totally fine with that and understood.
I expected that to be the end of the conversation, it wasn’t.
It went on to how he “was emotionally attached to someone else.”
I’m sorry what?
All this time I was telling this dude “I’m over the games, you’re not really into me” and he insisted he was…Yet then he drops that bomb on me?

This guy told me more times than I can count how much he hated it when girls talked to multiple guys. He thought it was so shady.
Yet, he did it. So, I guess it’s only shady when ladies do it? Please, bro.
He continued to tell me how he enjoyed going after females he thought he couldn’t have. It was a “thrill” for him.
Red flag alert ladies. If the guy you’re talking to is still into the “catch me “ games or the “play hard to get” stuff, walk away. That crap isn’t cute in high school and it’s not cute in your 20’s.
It’s immaturity. It’s a lack of respect.

To add to that? He told me how he wasn’t “afraid to get hurt.”
I felt totally punked at this point.
All this guy had talked about for months was how his ex hurt him and he didn’t want to be hurt again..Then he said that.

You can imagine at this point, I’m so done.
However, he continues the conversation.. Bad move, “what if” guy.
He told me he had “very recently” met this girl. I have beliefs that’s a lie, but whatever helps him sleep better at night.
That led to him telling me “he didn’t want to go after this girl, it not work, and then regret not going for me.”
(You’d really think he would stop, but nope.)
To dig himself even further, he tells me “you can ask me to reconsider my decision and I’ll consider being with you, and not going for her.”
I’ll give you a few seconds to let that sink in.

 

Ladies, hear me.
If a guy ever expects you to beg him to choose you, show him the door.
If a guy ever expects you to beg him to be in your life, tell him “never.”

First of all, you should be the ONLY option.
If he’s talking to multiple girls, he’s not into you.
You shouldn’t be an option from a pool of women, you should be the only one in the pool.

If a guy is telling you something that bothers him, but does that thing himself, take that as a warning.
He’s a liar and he thinks he has the right to do whatever he wants.

If a guy wants to play games, let him. But don’t allow him to include you anymore.
If a guy wants you to ask him to be in your life, tell him good-bye.
You’re above that.
You deserve someone who WANTS to be there.
You deserve someone who values you and values your life.
If he wants you to ask him to be there, he has ego problems.
He doesn’t really care about you, or he would willingly be there.

Wait for someone who chooses you.
Wait for a guy who wants to be there.
Wait for the guy who invests time in your life.
Wait for a guy who shows up. Wait for the guy who can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. That guy, he’s worth that wait.

Know your worth.
Don’t settle for less than that.
You deserve great love, honesty, and loyalty.

So, that’s the end of my “what if” guy.
After 5 years, that chapter has finally closed.
I’m thankful and relieved to no longer wonder.

“What if” guy, I’m not sorry we never happened. Our reality killed our potential.

The End of M

I watched the Grey’s Anatomy finale what seems like forever ago.
(Spoiler warning)
At the end of the episode it’s discovered Nathan’s “person” Megan is found alive.
Meredith tells him the news, knowing this was the end of their relationship.
She gracefully let him go after his “person” because she knew if it were Derek, she would do the same.

As a Grey’s fan I was pulling for Mer and Nathan.
I wanted Mer to feel happiness again.
But maybe Nathan wasn’t meant to be her next person.
Maybe Nathan was meant to be the “first one after,” for her.

When you really love someone, you don’t move on immediately.
If you do, it’s either a rebound or you didn’t really love who you were with.
You may have loved them and not take as long to get over them, but it should take you at least a few months of grieving. If not, that speaks volumes.

I’ve written on this blog more times than I can count that a massive love for me was my ex-fiancé, J.
Moving on from him, the emotional abuse, the verbal abuse, the narcissism, etc. has been a long process. We’ve not been “officially” together for 2 years and I’m still bouncing back.
I’ve mentioned M before. M was the first guy who really pursued me/I gave a chance, after J.
I met him in October and we casually saw each other for a while.
I couldn’t commit to a relationship with him, for multiple reasons.

When M went away in December, I told him we needed to reevaluate where we were.
When he got back, I planned to end things.
Somehow he turned that conversation around on me.
I continued to see him. By February, I knew I needed to end it.
I had a birthday in March, that I knew he had plans for (even though I told him not to).

So, I decided to wait till after my birthday.
Seeing him wasn’t miserable..But it was very difficult at times.
During that time, we had multiple disagreements. Not arguments, I want to be clear. We just weren’t seeing eye to eye on things.
I hoped maybe he would see we would be better off as friends.

However, he didn’t.
He fell deeper as I fell further away.
After my birthday party, that night actually, he started the conversation (I planned to have it the next day).

I hurt M.
He was falling for me, when he shouldn’t have.
I felt awful. I hate hurting people.
I cried, too much.

M is a great guy. He’s a kind one, with a great heart.
But, I couldn’t give M what he needed.
I’m not what he needs or wants, even if he doesn’t see it.
M needs someone with less relationship experience.
He needs someone who believes in very simple “love.”

After you’ve been engaged, planned to be with someone forever, had that blow up, and be abusive. You see love differently.
I’m not easy to love.
I’ve extremely complex and anyone who is interested, will need to have relationship experience.
He will need to be able to understand complete heartbreak, and how that changes you.

M needs someone who needs physical touch.
He needs someone who is a deeper thinker. He needs someone who appreciates grand gestures, romance, and needs him.
I’m not this person. I think about things, and let them go. I don’t think about things every time I’m alone or constantly have deep thoughts.
I’m just not that serious.
I don’t really need and want grand gestures. I want someone to be there and prove their feelings.
Romance is weird to me, and it’s not my thing. I know, I’m weird.

M needs someone who’s into history, politics, law, etc.
He needs someone who wants kids.

He needs someone who matches up more with his personality and his family.
M and I very different people.
We both appreciate sports and humor, but we’re pretty much opposite in every other way.
He could do the same every day, and be totally fine with.
That would bore me to no end.

I think M is a great person. We are still friends.
But I know M was the person for me.
I sincerely hope and know he will meet someone who fits with him perfectly.

M and I didn’t have a happy ending.
It’s been a hard transition to friends, and it’s taking time.
But, I’m really thankful for M.
M absolutely had a purpose in my life, even if it wasn’t what he wanted.
M was my first “person after.”
He was the first guy to really try to pursue me, understand me, and date me after J.

Before M, I wasn’t certain I would ever attract a kind guy.
I wasn’t sure anyone could handle all of my mess, J created.
I was also certain no one would want to deal with all the insecurities and hurt J had instilled in my brain.
But M, he took it on.
He heard my whole story and somehow didn’t run.

He showed me that I’m loveable and someone decent actually can like me.He spent entirely too much time trying to build up things about me, he knew J hurt.

M put up with more than anyone should really have to.
Date someone from a broken and abusive engagement, and tell me how easy it is.
He solidified what I know I need in someone.

M helped me no longer live in fear.
For a long time, I was terrified to like anyone.
All I know from relationships is pain, and I wasn’t ready to allow someone to power to hurt me.
But, my time with M showed me I can’t live in fear.
Hurt is part of relationships. It always will be, even in lasting relationships.
I can’t be terrified to love again, because someone broke me in the past.

With that being said, I have no intentions of going after anyone.
Before M and “What if”” guy happened, I was really happy with being single.
I had a taste of the possibility of a relationship, and I was sad to see that end.
But, I want to get back to a place of complete happiness with my singleness.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m good with it.
But, I’m not in the same place with my “singleness joy” as I was in the fall.
I want to be joyful being single.
I’m thankful I’m no longer being in a bad relationship or in the wrong relationship.
But, I’m still a little sad the possibilities didn’t work out.

I’m taking time to get back to complete joy in my singleness.

I also need to figure out my life, before a guy comes along.
I turned 25 in March. In May, I celebrated 2 years of being single.
I think I’m aiming for being single till at least 26.
After 26, I’ll reevaluate where I am with guys and relationships.

I say all this because I want you to know, sometimes you come across great people, but they aren’t meant to be yours.
M will be perfect for someone else and when he meets her, he’ll see it.
M wasn’t my forever. But, M was my “first person after,” and he had a major part in my journey after J.
I don’t take him for granted and I didn’t use him.
I genuinely wanted it to work out for us, but it didn’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t see how he was an important piece of my story.
I’m thankful M happened, and I’m looking forward to more healing and understanding.

Strength vs Weakness

Strong women scare weak men.
There, I said it.
Now let me explain.

In my last post, I talked about the response to a tweet, I wrote:
I attended a concert Sunday, and sat next to a couple who felt the need to touch every second, of the almost 5 hour show.
I tweeted about it.
I said something to the degree that “if you’re a couple who needs to constantly touch, you’re not confident in your relationship.”
That led to a friend disagreeing with me.

I also mentioned how that disagreement led to the friend saying that it’s “my way or no way.” This statement is crap, so I want to talk about it.

I’m a 25-year-old.
I don’t have it all figured out.
I can be ridiculously immature.
I can also be very mature and beyond my years.
I’ve been through things (as we all have) that have shaped me.
I’ve survived relationships that changed me and my perspective.

I do not need a guy to validate me.
I do not need a man to help guide me, my decisions, my thoughts, or my beliefs.
I am not just a girl who will be someone’s wife or mother, one day.
I’m a person.
I have opinions and thoughts.

The truth is, if your opinions, emotions, or thoughts are an issue with a man, he’s scared.
I’m not talking core beliefs. I’m a firm believer those have to match up for people to even have a chance.
What I’m referencing is your preferences.

I’m a huge sports fan. I’ve never liked a guy who has been a fan of all “my” teams.
That’s okay. It’s not a major deal if the guy can be mature about it, with me.
If a guy can’t respect what you like or prefer, he’s scared.

Women who have opinions on things, we hear it all the time, “she’s too opinionated.”
Really? It’s a problem I have personal opinions on things?
You really have a problem respecting the fact I’ve got a mind of my own?

I have zero problems with a man having opinions and preferences.
In fact, I want a man who has opinions and preferences.
It shows that he actually cares more than just a shrug or “I don’t know,” on topics.

A friend and I were talking last night, and he’s a fan of a NBA player I could pass on.
He’s allowed to like him.
We are fine with agreeing to disagree, and moving on. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight.
We are both respect the other enough, to be fine with those differences.

I ran into this problem with my ex, J.
He always told me I was too opinionated.
He told me if I was “a kind girl” I would just agree with him.
He had a problem with me being my own person.
He expected me to need him, to complete me.
He expected to do the thinking for me, and be my brain.
Since I didn’t agree with that, I was the problem.
I was too opinionated. I wasn’t nice. I was never going to get a man because no one would want to put up with that..All according to him.
That’s weakness. That is a weak *boy* looking for you to need him, so he’s validated.

Boys like this shouldn’t have someone.
They are power-hungry, ego seeking, boys.
They expect you to be small so they can be big and powerful.
I can’t stress this enough. That boy is not good for you.

That boy isn’t valuing you.
He’s belittling you.
He’s degrading you.

You’re worth more than that.
You were designed to be a person.
Your ideas, thoughts, dreams, opinions, and emotions are you.
They’re real.
Don’t let a weak boy tell you otherwise.

Strong women should be celebrated.

P.S. Yes, this goes both ways. If a woman is expecting to be the brain for the man, it’s also wrong. You are your own person. Have your own thoughts. Don’t settle for someone who thinks they should “think” for you. You weren’t designed to be that.

Hands Off

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written.
I think sometimes we just get sick of trying to figure things out.
I needed some time to breathe and stop trying to understand everything.
I needed to let it just be.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel full of words and..well sorting out myself.

I attended a concert Sunday, and sat next to a couple who felt the need to touch every second, of the almost 5 hour show.
I tweeted about it.
I said something to the degree that “if you’re a couple who needs to constantly touch, you’re not confident in your relationship.”
That led to a friend disagreeing with me.

I think agreeing to disagree is a lovely quality that our world needs more of.
But this friend got pretty upset and too personal, with this.
He basically told me that it’s my way or no way, all the time.
I don’t agree with that.
He says and does things all the time I don’t at all agree with and I say nothing. He has the right to do and think whatever he wants.
Just like I do.

I have the right to not want a man all over me.
I have the right to think if you need to touch every second for hours, that you’re not confident in who you’re with.
Does that mean I’m right? No. But that’s how I perceive it.

You may be thinking I’m crazy or awful, but let me explain.
I believe (firmly) that constant PDA is a sign of ownership.
A leg touch here, a hand hold there, a hug, these are not things I’m talking about.
I’m talking the need to be touched, constantly.

What are you getting from it?
Seriously, what?

You’re letting people know you’re together.
You’re making it obvious to others “they’re yours.”
Maybe you’re even trying to show others you’re in love. I don’t know.

I’m sure for many it feels good to touch their person.
I get that.
But it doesn’t need to be every second.
Once you’re at that point, I’m assuming you’re not confident in your relationship.
If you need that constant touching to feel “with” your person, you’re lacking something from your relationship or your life.
You’re hoping that touch or that PDA will somehow make up for whatever it is you’re lacking.

You may completely disagree with me.
That’s okay.
You’re totally allowed to.

What’s not okay is telling me that me not needing that touch or that my opinions are not acceptable.

I’ve never been into PDA. It’s not me. I don’t need it.
I don’t need to flash my relationship in others faces.
It feels selfish and jerky to me.
I want to respect others around me.
I want them to feel comfortable around me.

I know couples who make their PDA uncomfortable for others.
It’s almost disgusting.
To me, it shows weakness that they can’t control themselves, around others.
Save it for private. Get wild.

Another aspect of this is, I was a person before this man.
I’ll be a person after this man (let’s be honest, most don’t last “forever”).
I’m confident enough in who I am, that I don’t need a man all over me.

If I’m dating you, I like you.
You don’t need to claim me. I don’t need to claim you.
I don’t feel better if people “know” a guy is with me.
What makes me feel “better” is the dude being a decent human, and having characteristics I need in a partner.
What makes me feel good is when we, as a couple, can respect others and save our affection for just us.

Being confident in yourself and who you’re with is sexy.
Not needing to show signs of ownership is sexy.
Knowing that person is yours because they choose to be yours is sexy.
Knowing you two care for each other, without clinging on to each other every second, that’s sexy.

That’s confidence I hope we all have.